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Key to success.

January 16, 2012

This past year has been an emotional struggle.  About this time last year I can remember trudging like a zombie through the streets of New York, thinking to my self, “why can’t I seem to muster up the strength to block out these negative thoughts?”  Leading up to my rut of depression was a series of life events that happened all at once, and they were not events that I would want to post as my Facebook status.  Still, I could not help but wonder, why did my life feel like it was stagnant and not going in the direction I wanted it to be going?  Where had all my positivity, strength, motivation, and passion gone?  Why did I suddenly have trouble visualising my dream?  How come I believed that I did not have the ability to accomplish my dream anymore?  WTF was happening???!?!?  I have felt low in my life, but I knew this time it was gunna take A LOT of work to get out of this rut.  So, I decided to move to Spain, not the easiest decision, but I knew it was calling me, it was the challenge I needed to get out of that old familiar atmosphere of chasing some idea of who I thought I should be.  I needed to let it go, let it all go, and only in letting go of an identity that I held onto so tightly did I find a little more of my self.  Only in letting go, did I learn to accept my self a little more, hate my self a little less.

In these past few months that I have been living in Spain I realized that this time has been and still continues to be a pivotal crossroad in my life.  A crossroad where past events happened that made me fall flat on my face and I now have a choice, to rise again, or to give up.  I am slowly learning to rise.  Everyone in their life has things that bring them down.  For me, learning to rise is about cleansing myself of the negativity that was in my life.  I had to let go of my ego, of my security, in order to really be free.  I also had to let go of the people in my life that didn’t believe in me, because I was slowly loosing faith in my self.  I asked a close friend what it takes to be successful, and he said, “never give up.”  I knew deep down that there are no secrets to success and this was the answer I was looking for, but it was comforting to hear it from the mouth of a person I trust.

As of this present moment, I am a work in progress and I am slowly gaining back my strength.  I am looking at what worked for me before when I was going places that I wanted to be going in my life, and I am resurrecting those characteristics of passion, drive, and perseverance.  Sometimes I think those qualities that I am capable of possessing are the only thing I got going for my self.  So be it, I gotta take what I got, maximise my strength and hit the ground running.  I hope to find more knowledge about the answers to my questions….until next time,

xxM.Shay

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Trisha McGovern permalink
    January 19, 2012 7:42 pm

    beautifully Said and this is wisdom that a 70 year old would still be interested in the discovery process – stay Aware, be present and listen to that knowing voice

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