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January 9, 2012

When I started this blog I didn’t think many people would read it past maybe my self 20 years from now.  Haha Regardless, I wanted to have a documentary of this period in my life and I wanted to remember this journey abroad that so many people kept telling me would “change my life forever”.  haha Anyway….I guess I don’t feel so changed as of yet, but I’m only half way done.  Yesterday I felt happy to be back in Spain, today I feel anxious to get home, tomorrow who know what emotions will present themselves.  Truly, I feel that I am at a crossroad in my life.  I don’t know what direction I want to take, I don’t know what I feel most passionate about, I don’t know where I will be a year from now, I don’t know who to ask for advise, for some motivational words of wisdom, soo that leaves me with questions as to what the next best logical step is in my life?  I ask my self constantly, “Morah, what do you want to do?” “where do you want to live?” All these questions, yet no answers.  I’m afraid that I will not take any direction, and I know the clock is ticking.  I don’t want to be middle-aged and switching careers.  I want to choose a path and follow it for once in my life.  I want to be good at what I do, and choose a job that has exponential growth.  I want to grow professionally, I want to have passion, and make money.  I thought all these answers were supposed to be figured out by now, almost 2 years out of college, so at times it feels like I am regressing, or perhaps I’m just discovering…

Discovering where I thought I wanted to go, is perhaps not the direction I want to take as a career path.  This could be scary, and at the same time this could mean total liberation from the mental chains that my ego has created as to what it thought I was destined to be.  I am a constant work in progress, I am re-discovering my love for life, and that there are so many areas of interest that I am invigorated by.  As for the current moment I have a job teaching English in Spain, and I’m content with that for today.  My hope in the future is that I can find a job or start a business that makes people’s life a little brighter, whether that’s making pleasing music to their ear, or creating a cafe with a cool atmosphere and good food.  I wanna make people happy, or at least make them smile on a bad day and that to me is my definition of success.  However, I hope that I can learn to not let the title of my job define my identity like so many of us that fall victim to in the American culture.

Life, Love, Stress and Set backs….never give up.

Cheers, xxM.Shay

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